Whenever sorrow comes,
be kind to it.
For God has placed a pearl in sorrow’s hand.
Is there something hounding you? Do you having a feeling you are trying to suppress? Does something keep coming up that keeps coming up so much it feels as if it is nagging you? Maybe you just find yourself being inexplicably grumpy and you know something is wrong but you just do not want to face it. Well, I encourage you to listen and embrace the message instead of running away from it. There is a special gift awaiting you that is so important, it chooses to hound you instead of let you go.
I remember when the time was “ripe” to leave the practice of law several years ago. I was dissatisfied. I was miserable and unhappy. I hated waking up in the morning to go to work. I remember thinking that I was ungrateful because I had everything that anyone would want and was I still miserable. I kept pushing through those feelings as I felt they were inappropriate. However, hindsight tells me that I was going through that because I did not have the courage to trust my intuition and judgment. I was running away from my own internal wisdom mechanism.
Then the messages started coming.
My father had died several years prior and one night I had a dream. The dream was actually a recollection of an actual conversation I had with him when I was alive.
In the dream, and in real life, I was with my father and we were meeting someone for the first time and the gentleman asked me, “What do you do?”
I said,” I am a lawyer.”
My father turned to me and faced me and said, “No! You are not a lawyer, you merely practice law. It is not who you are. It is what do you.”
In real life, I shrugged and thought my father was just being persnickety. Of course I knew the difference and why was that so important anyway. Now, many years later, my father was speaking to me from the grave and reiterating his nugget of wisdom from that incident. I awoke from the dream, disturbed. I did not know why I was disturbed as I often had dreams of my father and they were always memorable and pleasant.
The next day, a client said to me, seemingly out of the clear blue sky, “You know, you are so much more than a lawyer” and turned around and walked away leaving me standing there with my mouth open.
On the way home, listening to NPR, there was a speaker who was talking about the difference between a job, a career and a calling and how many people never hear the calling for their lives because they do not listen and settle for what oftentimes, is the golden handcuffs of a career or a job. I remember slamming on my breaks and pulling over on the side of the road, yelling to God and saying, “OK, OK, God! I hear you. What now?” I call such incidents “winks from God.” 😉
Well, I am proud tell you that today, I am down to usually just two of such winks from God for messages that I really need to hear. I feel the nudge, and I say, “What is that about?” and usually two things will happen within 48 hours that will point me in the right direction! Nothing like clarity! And confirmation of such clarity!
It took time, but eventually, I closed down my practice and went on a journey of self-discovery. I became a coach after falling in love with the coaching process. I also decided to go back to school because learning is one of my core values. My life is so much more peaceful now. I love waking up in the morning. I enjoy my life and my autonomy. I am grateful for those years of practicing law and all the opportunities it afforded me. However, it was for a season and not a lifetime.
Asking yourself, “What am I running away from?” is critical to reclaiming your personhood. Running away is a form of resistance. Ask the question and listen to the answer. There is a part of you that is wise and intuitive that wants to be heard. Listen to that part of you. Give yourself space. Embrace what you are running away from and hear its message. There is value and rewards waiting just for you.
Below leave a comment on what you think you may be running away from and what you feel may be the hidden message. Go ahead, everyone has run away from something before!